Waiting…

I have been having a hard time lately being patient.

And let me tell you, patience is not one of my virtues. I am one of the most impatient people in the world. I will refuse to go in drive-thru at Starbucks if there are more than 3 cars in front of me. I would rather park and go inside as to not wait.

I’m pretty bad.

Right now the biggest obstacle Charles and I are facing is timing.

Charles is 25. His baby clock is ticking.

I am 20. Mine is ticking because of him.

It seems every-time I log onto Facebook or Tumblr, someone is announcing their pregnancy or taking pictures of their child.

And I’m like. -__________-

Emery is unamused.

I realize that everything is in God’s timing, we cannot control anything in this life but I am so tired of always being told to wait.

I want the nice house that people my age have, I want the wedding band on my finger, I want a baby.

I’m tired of this worrying about if Charles is going to deploy. I’m tired of worrying if he’s going to be given new orders and moved and I’m not going to be able to do anything about it.

I’m tired of renting and living in this crappy townhouse that I HATE with an absolute passion. It’s in a crappy area and it’s ugly and we’re paying WAY too much for it.

I’m tired of ALWAYS being broke. We can litterally never catch a break. Which I guess would be much worse with a child, but still. Anytime anything good happens to us, we’re just set 10 steps backwards again. It’s frustrating and heart breaking and I’m so sick of it.

But what can I do? Absolutely nothing.

And that’s the hardest part.

I cannot do anything to change it. I know that I have to wait.

And we all know how good I am at that.